E-CON update.
i have updated my list of mood emoticons. here they are:

::bgnoise:: dashboard confessional -=saints and sailors=-
::taste:::::: 7-up cake
::mood:::::

and when the rain comes down
it never stops
beats against your heart
pushes you back

and when you fall down a trench
you never hit the ground
falling forever
wind rushing through your soul

and when your light goes out
it doesnt come back
flickers and clicks
so you're left in the shadows

and when your day ends
the sun stays down
the sky's always black
the night lingers on

drenched and falling
in the dark midnite
tearing through a torn up path
silence is so loud
that you cant hear the logic
always in the dark
so you cant see the truth

when your dreams are clouded with reality
and the horror seems to last a lifetime
you break through your problems
and continue your journey
along the winding road ahead

~kori(¬_¬)

::bgnoise:: mariah carey -=music box=-
::taste:::::: sparkling apple cider
::mood:::::

GRAH ! these damn things keep spawing from my room somewhere. i have a feeling there's a dead something or other producing them under my bed. i'm afraid to look. oh the horror.

[ADD]

anyways, i'm working on a project for school. its a music video for the band eleventeen. still not quite sure what song i'm gonna make it for. i guess i better get started on that sometime soon. the first cut is due next tuesday. eeeeeeh procrastination represent yeye. i'm pretty psyched about this project. i actually want to do it ! (just goes to show you...real procrastinators dont discriminate)

i wanted to write something profoundly profound today but i guess that will have to wait for another day. all that seems to be coming out is mindless drivel. eh. could be worse.

~(¬_¬) kori

::bgnoise:: nothing
::taste:::::: orange flavoured starburst
::mood:::::

so, i'm going to another funeral tomorrow. i guess i'll wear the same thing i wore to the last two. when did life become so filled with death ? its really getting me jaded. jaded... thats a good word.

jad·ed ( P ) (jdd)
adj.
1. Worn out; wearied: “My father's words had left me jaded and depressed” (William Styron).

2.Dulled by surfeit; sated: “the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes” (John Simon).

3.Cynically or pretentiously callous.

actually every single one of those definitions are starting to fit me. that makes me sad. but not sad to the point of crying. jaded people don't cry. its sad to think that i used to be happy about everything. maybe its a phase. a phase i can grow out of. a beautifully life changing phase. then all of a sudden i will slip out of this phase. maybe then everyone i love will live forever and things will never have to change. the zoo will always look the same, the logos will stay the same on my juice boxes, and my favorite walgreens down the street won't turn into a high priced apartment complex. my dog will never age, no one will have to move away, family will always get together on christmas and new years day, my hair colour will always be dark brown, my eyes will always be dark brown, and my room will always be messy. but things don't work out that way. why ? because this is the real life. this is what i never saw growing up. it all has to hit you sometime or another and inevitably you'll have to succumb to the change by change. and thats this is real life.

~(¬_¬) kori

she's blue....

::bgnoise:: saves the day -=this is not an exit=-
::taste:::::: red skittles
::mood:::::

you wanna try my shoes on for size ?
they are uncomfortable and one size too small.
they squeak when i walk and give me blisters.
sometimes when i try to get them on the heel sinks in.
my big toe slips out the front and the laces are broken off.
i never untie them, cause if i do i might never get them to tie again.
they smell funny.
they're dirty.
the soles are worn down to a thin sheet.
nevertheless they are mine,
and i shall walk in them until i can't walk anymore.



~(¬_¬)kori

::bgnoise:: saves the day -=all im losing is me=-
::taste:::::: pork ?
::mood:::::

saves the day just elicits this type of poetry...


there are empty spaces
in my heart
its dark and
the memories we cant take back
haunt our minds forever

things that make me cry
throughout the nite make a
restless heart and a sleepless mind

tho picking up the scraps of
time may bring back thoughts,
they are broken faint and
lacking soul

hugs, hearts, and kisses are
null and void. meaningless
tokens of affections become
everyday routine life.

and all i want to do is die
and wake up on the shore of
memories, where time lives on
and childhood stays etches in eternity

::bgnoise:: phil collins -=a look through my eyes=-
::taste:::::: juicy fruit grapermelon
::mood:::::

peppermint moonbeams on sugar coated dreams
i close my eyes and everything seems
to pass me by in naive bliss
with a candy cane hug and a chocolate coated kiss
stealing a whim from a cloyed desire
onto the tropic hot cinnamon fire
doused by the broth of a sweet nectarine
and bathed in vanilla of a cool river stream
dancing in fields where marmallows graze
pushing myself through euphorias haze



i can't end it just yet...maybe ill finish it sometime in the future.

~ kori (¬_¬)

::bgnoise:: dexter freebish -=leaving town=-
::taste:::::: blueberry whips
::mood:::::

But when youre broke and down and no one else is around.
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there.

Cause I remember how we shared time together and
how you used to say that the stars are forever.
And dreamed about how to make your life better by
leaving town, leaving town.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the anniversary of my mothers death was this saturday. i did a lot of thinking and i kno that no matter how hard i try every year is gonna be hell without her. there are times where i think that shes still coming home. there are times when i hear a car pull up and then the door opening and my heart jumps because it could possibly be her. its a hard fact to realize that your mother is gone and never coming back. i dont believe im ever going to see her again. i used to say that i would see her in heaven, but somehow i get the feeling that there is no heaven or hell. that when you die...you're really just dead.

i went to go see the movie 'brother bear' last nite. it was a good movie but i couldnt help but get watery eyes at things that werent even sad. i just wanted her to be there. she would have really liked it. its things like that that get me down on a day to day basis. things like....walking home from school and having to just sit down because just being without her anywhere is unbearable. its sad to feel so weak yet have to be so strong. honestly i kno i dont have to be strong, but what exactly am i gonna do ? cry myself to sleep every nite, stay in bed all day thinking about her, break down and cry whenever someone asks me how i'm doing ? plain and simple things need to get done, and if im not strong they wont. so i just try not think about it.

~kori (¬_¬)