Sunday, January 28, 2007

"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts."
~Last Kiss

Sometimes I do such a good job at making everyone think things are perfect, I forget that deep down we're just as fucked up as the rest of them. And when reality settles in and smashes me to the floor once again it just pushes me down that much deeper. I don't wanna get up. I don't wanna look. I can't. It's easier to keep the tears inside with my eyes shut tight.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Locked in...
breaking things,
myself.
It hurts more than it should...
disappointment never fails
me.
Expecting too much...
from you, from everyone,
myself.
Tears burn...
when they fall on lonely
me.
Emotions stop...
when I stop caring about everything
and myself.
It seems like this is all I have...
me.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

::bgnoise:: Jacqueline Nassar ::The Window::
:
:taste:::::: Chamomile Tea


I wrote words for her...I spoke them and didn't cry.

She was caring, giving, and a loving mother to everyone.

As I lay my head upon her shallow breaths I felt her last heartbeat. It told me not to be afraid, not to be sad, because life goes on, and her spirit lives on. It told me her life was lived for everyone else. That she gave her all until the very end, not wanting to leave her family for fear of their falling. It spoke soft words of understanding, pain, fear, love, hope, devotion...secretly whispering into my ear that everything will be ok. I held her there and felt her arms reach around me, to hold me just as she had always done, and I felt her love for me. Her eyes, now glassy look out into nothing, yet say so much. She wants to speak but the words don't come, yet I hear everything that she wants to say. She says to tell everyone that I refuse to leave you all. I refuse to let you drown. I will keep you safe here in my arms, forever. I will be waiting and watching. Her wings spread out into the heavens, the clouds take her shape. So whenever you look up into the sky please remember her arms, outstretched upon the open sky holding you, keeping you safe, refusing to let you fall, watching and waiting til the day our souls will meet.