::bgnoise:: Dishwalla -=Candleburn=-
::taste:::::: dragonfruit Vitamin Water
::mood:::::

oooh, I found this while looking for a notebook to use for class.

I Cry Myself to Sleep

I cry myself to sleep
No one can hear me weep.
I keep the sorrow in
For sharing is a sin.
My life is not a book
For you to take a look.
The burden is not yours
So shut the open doors.
Don't think it is not true
That I can be so blue.
My thoughts are never wrong
Until you came along.
To me they're always right.
My heart I do not fight.
Come listen to the rain.
You cannot feel the pain.
You don't believe its real
But it's not what you feel.
I see your thoughts untrue.
In light I have but few.
So turn your head in shame
Until you feel the same.
No one can hear me weep
I cry myself to sleep.




old old piece of shit poetry.
~kori (¬_¬)

::bgnoise:: -=the earth shattering silence=-
::taste:::::: menthol
::mood:::::

i've been crying a lot lately. i think it might be because now that i don't have school i have nothing better to do than wallow in my own self-pity. there's not really much nowadays to take my mind off this heart wrenching pain. i have nothing to set my mind to, therefore my mind has just become this puddle of mush that oozes out the side of my head. i've lost all sense of rationalization. i've lost the will to keep myself from going off the deep end. my emotions can't be kept in the dark pit of my stomache forever. so it tends to come out on sleepless nites. every nite has been a sleepless nite. i sleep during the day because looking at everything in the daylight just doesn't seem right. my world has become a distorted sense of well being. i've been getting into list making so i shall make a list of things that remind me of my mom and long for her presence.

•the trees
•the roads
•the malls
•songs
•the sky
•the birds
•the sun
•the moon
•my dog
•my family
•the bills
•e-mail
•my clothes
•my hair
•my reflection in the mirror

when i look at myself in the mirror i try hard to remember what she looked like. i try and tell myself that i will try my best to be like her in every way. i will be kind and giving. i will always put others before myself. i will do random acts of kindness just for the hell of it. and i begin to wonder why things had to end up like this. how can this life be so cruel as to take my one true best friend away from me. i think about how she wont be there for my wedding, and how she wont be around to see my children. i think about not being able to see her reaction when i tell her that i got such good grades in school.

its times like these when i start to think about the afterlife. everyone's going around spouting all sorts of crap about "going to a better place" and how they "will be watching over me." and i have to say, i don't buy any of that bs. if its so true then why don't i see her in my dreams, why don't i feel her presence around me, why don't i feel like she's still somewhere? i'm sorry, i just don't buy it.

so yea....i've been crying a lot lately but i was reading in both of my cuzzie's journals and i know that i'm not alone. i take comfort in the fact that perhaps when a tear falls down my cheek a tear is falling down one of theirs and i don't have to suffer this god aweful pain alone.

aren't we all going a bit insane ?


--------------------------------------------------

and in the harsh cold of the nite
my stinging tears hit the pillow as i think of you.
as i remember the times in my life
when you used to tell me everything will be alrite.

and when things start to get rough
i cant help but fight the feeling that you've left me alone.
i hold back the feelings of pain
but i feel as if the memories just can't be contained.

i listen hard for your voice to come ringing through the clouds
but this silence in me is eating me from inside out.

and everything feels as if its died inside of me.
and everything feels that this is not how it should be.
'cause i miss you
and i wish you
were still around to tell me everything will be ok.


~kori(­¬_¬)

I'll Meet You There ~Simple Plan

Now you're gone
I wonder why you left me here
I think about it on and on and on and on and on again
I know you're never coming back
I hope that you can hear me
I'm waiting to hear from you
Until I do

You're gone away
I'm left alone
A part of me is gone
And I'm not moving on
So wait for me
I know the day will come

I'll meet you there
No matter where life takes me to
I'll meet you there
And even if I need you here
I'll meet you there

I wish I could have told you
The things I kept inside
But now I guess it's just too late
So many things remind me of you
I hope that you can hear me
I miss you
This is goodbye
One last time
You're gone away
Im left alone.
A part of me is gone
And im not moving on
So wait for me
I know the day will come

I'll meet you there
No matter where life takes me to
I'll meet you there
And even if I need you here
I'll meet you there

No matter where life takes me
I'll meet you there

And even if i need you
Ill meet you there
Ill meet you there
Ill meet you there

::bgnoise:: keith sweat -=i'll give all my love to you=-
::taste:::::: water
::mood:::::


I've lost myself again, and its been
too long, so long.
And I dont kno what I've missed, dismissed its been
too much, its been so much
that I can't remember what it is.
Can't seem to get straight. It's rushed and it's
too late, so late.

I've talked myself through the dreams, and it seems
so far, it seems too far.
And I don't kno what I've caught but its not
so bad. It's too bad
that I can't seem to get straight. It's rushed and it's
too late, it's so late. It's too damn late.

::bgnoise:: taking back sunday -=cute without the e (cut from the team)=-
::taste:::::: nothing
::mood:::::

[diet]
i've lost five lbs since this diet started. i'd say its been a week and 1/2. me and my aunt started on weight watchers yesterday. ugh....waking up at 7:15 on sunday mornings ? i'm not sure i'm gonna make it. we'll see. i have ten weeks to lose 15 lbs. with the amount of food that they let me eat it should be a piece of cake. i've never eaten so little in my life. i just wish i were skinny and beautiful.

in other news---

--- there is a new bebe in the fam fam. mori fanning ono, tom and bridget's kid. boy ? girl ? dunno dont ask.

--- baby taylor, greg and may's little girl, had her first birthday yesterday. she also said her first word yesterday. "goodnite" only a few of us were there to witness it, and no one would believe us. may, miki, grant, and i were trying to get the baby to sleep. miki looked at her and said goodnite and taylor mimicked her. miki freaked out and me and may celebrated. i tried to get her to say it again and she ended up saying it three times. later she said "ina" which is the nickname for her sister, selena.

--- the "stand up for justice" premiere is coming up. "stand up for justice" is a documentary about ralph lazo. a boy who followed his japanese american friends to a concentration camp. it premieres in little tokyo L.A. Feb. 21

--- i finally registered for my classes. three campus classes and two online classes. its quite a load so wish me luck. last semester's grades were 3 A's and a B.

--- the fam fam is going to hawaii (hopefully). i think maybe sometime in july. we are waiting to get everyone's schedule's so that we can plan a safe date. my aunti's friend is lending us a condo. whoo !

hear what i say ? yea, any day.

~kori (­­¬_¬)