::bgnoise:: dexter freebish -=leaving town=-
::taste:::::: blueberry whips
::mood:::::

But when youre broke and down and no one else is around.
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there.

Cause I remember how we shared time together and
how you used to say that the stars are forever.
And dreamed about how to make your life better by
leaving town, leaving town.


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the anniversary of my mothers death was this saturday. i did a lot of thinking and i kno that no matter how hard i try every year is gonna be hell without her. there are times where i think that shes still coming home. there are times when i hear a car pull up and then the door opening and my heart jumps because it could possibly be her. its a hard fact to realize that your mother is gone and never coming back. i dont believe im ever going to see her again. i used to say that i would see her in heaven, but somehow i get the feeling that there is no heaven or hell. that when you die...you're really just dead.

i went to go see the movie 'brother bear' last nite. it was a good movie but i couldnt help but get watery eyes at things that werent even sad. i just wanted her to be there. she would have really liked it. its things like that that get me down on a day to day basis. things like....walking home from school and having to just sit down because just being without her anywhere is unbearable. its sad to feel so weak yet have to be so strong. honestly i kno i dont have to be strong, but what exactly am i gonna do ? cry myself to sleep every nite, stay in bed all day thinking about her, break down and cry whenever someone asks me how i'm doing ? plain and simple things need to get done, and if im not strong they wont. so i just try not think about it.

~kori (¬_¬)