::bgnoise:: *click click* O_o
::taste:::::: toothpaste
::mood::::: (-_-) <--- cause the program isnt letting me upload my emote files

so i've been thinking a bit about my mother lately. that new song by luther vandross makes me sad. no one really knew what we went through those months that my mom was sick. then again i dont think anyone really wanted to kno about what went on. no one has ever asked such a question. tho i guess in our society anything like that is taboo in such a situation. i never got a chance to talk about it....so i guess i can use this as a vent.
lets see how far back i can remember...
we found out about her colon cancer in -i think it was- november, 2001. we didnt really think much of it. i mean, there are many people dealing with cancer and living their lives alrite, right ? so for about six months she went through chemo, and twas tough oh yes it was. she was a trooper too. i stood by and watched as she could barely stand on certain days, i held her while she hovered over the toilet to vomit, i went with her to get a new wig when her hair started to fall out, and i watched silently while her eyes turned yellow. life seemed to be a roller coaster of emotion when all of a sudden we took a dive for the worst.

"i need to tell you this"

i knew it was gonna be bad news
"he says that the cancer has taken over 85% of my liver and im only working on 15% of it. he gives me two to three weeks. soon ill be come tired and then sleep all day long, then one day ill sleep into a coma and die...."
could there be any more dreadful words than these ? nah, it sure does get worse tho.
i start to cry and i cant help but say "what will i do without you mom?"
and all she has to reply with is "im not scared of dying, im scared of what i am going to be leaving behind"

ok thats enough therapy for today...i cant write anymore.
[end]